Corona Chronicles: Missive 1

Well, it's the end of our first official day of homedom due to the Coronavirus.  Today has been interesting...

We decided as a family (and by this I mean, I called my kids and husband into my dining room and told them) that we would establish a routine to follow every day.  As a certified teacher, I know this is best practice towards promoting stability, order, and calm in any environment with children.  This went well.  And by "this," I mean writing out the schedule and letting the kids draw pictures of daily activities.  Actually following the routine?  Not so much.  

It did not start off well.  Although the kids were up, had broken into the computer and were zombie-ing out on DisneyNow, I blew right past the 8 am start time, passed out in bed after the baby woke me up three times during the night.  What finally got me up at 9:30 was the kids, telling me that someone was knocking on the front door. (It was a repairman, who thankfully waited til I got dressed and opened the door.) 

Ok, so we re-booted, and by 10:15, with 1/2 the kids dressed, and 1/5 of the kids 1/2 dressed, and 2/5 of the kids 100% committed to pajamas for the rest of the day, I decided it was time to get back on track.  Nice sentiment.  But we also decided that home quarantine would be a good time to toilet-train our 2 and 1/2 year old.  Wow.  I think most parents the world over are familiar with the pitfalls and perils of toilet-training, but today was my own, very special, trauma.

We got the underwear, the stepstool, the whole nine yards.  We're standing in position, just waiting for something to happen.  And waiting....And waiting.  

"Ken ah FLUUUUUUSH?" 

 "No buddy, you gotta make a peepee first."  

"Okay, Ken ah FLUUUUUUUUUSH?"  

"No, come on, let's try to make a peepee."  

"Ok, ken I clozeit?"  

"No, Bud, do NOT close the toilet seat, you need to make a peepee in the toilet."  

"Ok, ken I have cookies?" 

"Ok, sure, but you gotta make a peepee first." 

[Nothing happens.]

"Ok, all done, ken ah Flush?"

"Ok, sure. Good job."

Well I'm not gonna tell you what happened three steps out of the bathroom, cause you already saw it coming.  And we clean it up and then we do have cookies cause Lord knows by then I need 'em.  Guess a reward for a job not accomplished is not best practice, but whatever, Mama needed a break too.  

So, back to the schedule, which by now is meant to include some wholesome outdoor play, but instead has devolved into a fight over two computers, a cell phone, and three kids who apparently cannot do the math to figure out that if they just each choose one device, I'll let them watch whatever they want as long as it buys me a few blessed moments of silence.  I end up coordinating for them and send the trainee to go watch with his older brother, who very helpfully chimes, "Mommy, I don't want to watch with him, HE STINKS!!"  Because, of course.  Of course he stinks.  So we deal with that little mishap too, finally get things cleaned up and calmed down when...the baby starts crying.  

At this point, I don't even care, because #1 Whatever mess I have to clean up for my baby boy, at least it's contained in a diaper; #2 while I'm feeding him, I get to sit down (the whole time!); and #3 my sweet little 4 month old may be able to cry, smile, etc, but he definitely doesn't know how to talk yet and for that innocent ignorance, I am grateful.  

We had many more misadventures on our road to making it through today, but that about sums up Day One.

Writing this in the hopes we make it to tomorrow.  Good luck, good night, and good health.